Itachi Misuses the Sharingan
by MarauderGirl777
Summary: OOOOLD story I wrote in the eighth grade. Total Akatsuki crack. Extreme randomness. Hilarity ensues! Rated T for Potty mouths.
1. Samehada and Spanking?

**Title:** Itachi Misuses the Sharingan.

**Author:** MarauderGirl777.

**Anime:** Naruto.

**Rating:** T for dirty language. (It's censored though! [ Hidan: CURSES! ] )

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. Poo. :[

**A/N:** Okay, so, I wrote this thing in the eighth grade. I'm a senior now. LOL. But this was just too funny to pass up. Hope you guys have as many laughs as I did when I re-read it. There's only like.. four parts, and then it just... stops. o_o;; So I'm wondering if I should continue? I dunno. I guess the number of reviews will let me know ;] Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Itachi Misuses the Sharingan.<strong>

**ONE**

"Whoo, facing that Sannin was a doozy." Kisame Hoshigaki sighed, looking at the man walking beside him. His partner seemed out of it. "Itachi-san, are you okay?" Kisame asked, concerned.

"Kisame, I have a question..." Itachi said quietly.

"What is it?" The shark-man asked as they walked.

"... Have you ever used the Samehada to spank someone?"

"... Huh?" Kisame was taken aback. His cheeks tinged pink at the embarrassing question.

"Hold it right there!" Someone yelled from behind them. The two criminals stopped in their tracks. "You're coming with me!" The man said loudly.

They turned to face him. "A Jonin from Konoha," Kisame cackled. "Shall I, Itachi-san?"

"No. Shall I."

".. Do you mean, 'I shall'?"

"Yes."

"Okay..." Kisame was slightly disturbed by his partner's words about the Samehada and his unusual poor grammar. He wondered if using his Mangekyou Sharingan was having an effect on Itachi.

Itachi opened his eyes and looked at the Jonin and the men behind him lazily, Sharingan activated. "Hn.."

"You're not getting away!" The man yelled. "You're immensely outnumbered!"

"Hn.."

The man froze as he locked gazes with Itachi. "Aggh!" He exclaimed in fear.

Kisame waited for the man to scream in mental torture.

The Jonin began to bob his head back and forth, like he was choking. _'Making him choke himself..? Itachi's being creative,' _the blue man thought.

"BA-GOK!" The Jonin clucked.

The Jonin... clucked.

Kisame raised an eyebrow. The Jonin flapped his arms like a chicken, bobbing his head and clucking. "What the-"

"Kisame, quiet," Itachi said softly. The Jonin walked away, clucking and flapping his arms. "Who's next?" Itachi asked. The other chunin only stared.

Then, they all died from laughter. Literally.

Itachi and Kisame began to walk away. "Back to my question, Kisame." Itachi said solemnly.

"About what?" Kisame asked, now slightly freaked out.

"... Do you use the Samehada to spank people?" He asked plainly, not embarrassed.

"Err.. No." He sweat-dropped.

"I wonder if it hurts.." The Uchiha mumbled thoughtfully.

"Uhhh.. I'm sure it does, Itachi-san..." Kisame was definitely freaked out now. There was something really wrong with Itachi, something really weird going on.


	2. NOT THE CANDY!

**Title:** Itachi Misuses the Sharingan.

**Author:** MarauderGirl777.

**Anime:** Naruto.

**Rating:** T for dirty language. (It's censored though! [ Hidan: CURSES! ] )

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. Poo. :[

**A/N: **Super short. But cute. Enjoy. _;;

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><p><strong>Itachi Misuses the Sharingan.<strong>

**TWO**

When they got back to Akatsuki headquarters, Deidara greeted them.

"Yo, hm."

"Yo, what's up my brotha..." Itachi said. Deidara raised an eyebrow. As Itachi walked away, Kisame and Deidara exchanged a look that said, 'What the hell is going on..?'

Kisame shrugged, and they followed Itachi into the headquarters.

"ITACHI-SAMA IS BACK!" Tobi squealed, rushing to them excitedly.

"Yo, Tobi," Itachi said to him, giving him a 'peace' sign.

"YAY! Itachi-sama usually ignores Tobi!" He bounced around, a large ball of hyper.

"Tobi, want some sugar?" Itachi asked, and Tobi followed him into the kitchen.

**Deidara and Kisame****: O_O;;**

"Itachi! NOOOOOO!" Kisame and Deidara yelled dramatically.

"Come, Tobi, I shall give you candy." Itachi said calmly, beginning to search through the pantries.

"NOOOO!" Kisame leaped at Itachi, tackling him to the ground.

"Get off of me, Kisame," Itachi said calmly. "Tobi requires candy."

"You KNOW if you give him sugar he'll go wild!" Kisame scolded.

"Ahhh, but that's the genius." Itachi said, pushing him off. "We need some entertainment around here besides Hidan's stupid death metal and Deidara's ugly clay art that could explode any minute."

Deidara's mouth hung open in shock. "You... You said you loved my art..." He sniffled, eyes watering.

"It's ugly." Itachi said plainly.

Deidara began wailing.

"TOBI LIKES IT, DEIDARA-SEMPAI!" Tobi yelled, bouncing off the walls. BOING BOING BOING BOING!

"F**k. You've done it now, Itachi..." Kisame groaned.


	3. Aiiyoh Silver, AWAYY!  To Walmart

**Title:** Itachi Misuses the Sharingan.

**Author:** MarauderGirl777.

**Anime:** Naruto.

**Rating:** T for dirty language. (It's censored though! [ Hidan: CURSES! ] )

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. Poo. :[

**A/N: **A little longer, but still short. LOL. Okay, so I KNOW this is CRACK. Everyone's just.. completely random.

I was in the eighth grade, gimme a break! D:

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><p><strong>Itachi Misuses the Sharingan. <strong>

**Three**

"We're only buying Martha Stewart." Itachi said plainly.

"Damnit, Itachi, you can get fifty organic towels for the price of these!" Kakuzu yelled, exasperated. He took another pill for his hearts. The rate was above normal.

"Martha Stewart."

"No."

"Martha Stewart." Itachi growled.

"He f**king said no, you fat-a** dips**t!" Hidan, Kakuzu's partner, yelled. The nun walking by looked at them oddly.

"Mangekyou Sharingan!" Itachi said, staring the priest down.

"Uhh.. It's not on..." Hidan said dumbly.

"Ah." Itachi blinked, then activated the Sharingan. "Mangekyou Sharingan!" He said again.

"It's on normal Sharingan, Itachi..."

"Oh.." He blinked once more. ".. Mangekyou Sharingan!" He glared at the priest.

"Still not activated.. f**king moron."

".. I give up." Itachi said, hopping in the shopping cart and grabbing a handful of Martha Stewart candles.

"What the f**k is wrong with him, Kakuzu?" Hidan whispered to his partner... Who wasn't there.

Kakuzu was in the alcohol section, draining Miller Lite bottles like there was no tomorrow. "Damn..Gulp..That..Gulp..Itachi!"

"Kakuzu, you idiot! You're gonna have to f**king pay for all that s**t!" Hidan had found him, wheeling Itachi along with him.

"Not if we escape from the scene of the crime." The old man grinned, showing his hundred-year-old dentures to the world.

"We still have to get the Oreos for Tobi, candy canes for leader, the Cheetos for Deidara, and the salt-water Aquafina for Kisame, not to mention my f**king beer!" Hidan scowled.

Kakuzu set two six packs of Budweiser in the cart. "Hop in."

"No f**king way, I'm NOT gonna sit in there and sniff candles with Mr. Loopy!"

Kakuzu picked up the priest and threw him in the cart, and sped off. "I think I like the blue raspberry lavender better.." Itachi said, holding up two different candles. He held them in front of Hidan's nose.

"Who gives a f**k?" Hidan groaned. "You're even more f**ked up than Tobi.."

"I dunno, the vanilla cherry smells good too..."

"Forget it."

Kakuzu sped through the aisles, getting all the items Hidan mentioned. They sped for the register, and Kakuzu pulled the two men from the cart, Itachi clinging to his candles.

"Thank you for choosing Wal-Mart, that-"

"Yeah, suck it." Hidan said.

"Excuse-"

"I said suck it and ring up the damn candles!"

"Sir, I will not excuse that language here-"

"FU-" Hidan's mouth was covered by Kakuzu, who hissed, "Shut up, you idiot..."

The lady began to ring up the items. "That'll be $102.43, sir," she said with a fake smile.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Kakuzu hyperventilated. "Hidan... Medicine..."

The priest rolled his eyes and grabbed a single pink pill from Kakuzu's bottle and handed it to him. "... Get rid of the cheetos." Kakuzu growled.

"Hai." Hidan grabbed the bag of cheetos and threw it at the nearest woman.

"How dare-"

"Eat a d**k." Hidan snapped.

The lady fainted.

"Alright, the total is $98.21, sir.." the woman said to Kakuzu. He groaned.

"F**k it." Hidan pulled out his scythe and impaled the cashier. He hopped in the cart, pulling Itachi and the groceries in with him. "GO, old man!" Hidan yelled, and Kakuzu ran out of the store.

"Not without us, dumba**!" Hidan yelled. Officers were running to the scene.

"Right," Kakuzu grunted, dragging the buggy along with him.

"To the Akatsukimobile!" Itachi yelled, standing up in the buggy. They got into the parking lot, and sped to the van. They threw the candles, Oreos, beer, candy canes, and Saltwater Aquafina in the back, and hopped in. The buggy got run over as they backed out, leaving behind a trashy metal mess.

They sped off to the hideout. "To the hideout!" Itachi yelled.

"Shut the f**k up!" Hidan groaned.


End file.
